Pretty and Witty but not Gay
by KittyCatOmaniac
Summary: AU. University-student Uzumaki Naruto is forced to cross-dress to play the role of a girl in a movie. The result causes plenty of one-sided love, complicated situations and panic as Naruto struggles to keep his identity a secret. One-sided love harem.
1. Prologue

**(A/N)** If you're looking for smut then I suggest you look somewhere else. This story will be filled with complications, men falling in love with men, women falling in love with men...except they don't know that it's a man. There will be gay people and there will be straight people but no open romance, only humor and one-sided love. Not your cup of tea? Well, I'm sure there are plenty of stories out there more suitable to your taste then but trust me, if you miss out on the situations in this story which will cater to people of all sexualities, don't blame me!

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing.

* * *

**Prologue**

"No friggin' way!" Naruto exclaimed as he slammed his fists down on the table, reacting just as everyone had predicted and so most of them looked away awkwardly as they were seated around a small table in the cramped club room, surrounded by low-tech cameras and other filming equipment.

One man in particular though, did not look away. Hiding his face in a high collar and keeping his eyes hidden behind a pair of sunglasses, Aburame Shino hadn't so much as twitched at the loud outburst, "If we had any other option, we would have already employed it. As it is, unless you do this, the movie club will most likely receive less funds."

"How the hell does me dressing up like a girl make a difference?!" Naruto demanded, eyes wide as he leaned closer to Shino over the table, the others looking on with mixed expressions.

"Because," Shino answered calmly, "when the script for this movie was written at the beginning of the school year, we had counted on getting a few more newcomers to sign up for this club. As it is," light shone off of his sunglasses, "we did not manage to recruit a single new member and as such, Hinata remains the only female at our disposal."

"Then have her do it! Like you said, she's a girl!" Naruto continued to glare desperately at Shino as he at the same time pointed to a fidgeting Hinata sitting next to him, "Why the hell should I have to dress up like a girl when we already have one for the role?"

"That is impossible." Shino countered without missing a beat.

"_Why_ is it impossible?!" Naruto demanded, looking just about ready to rip his hair out.

In turn, Shino pushed his sunglasses up from the bridge of his nose, "It's simple," he paused for dramatic effect, something Naruto could do well without at that very moment, "her stage fright makes it impossible for her to play any other role than that of a timid girl with next to no lines, and what few lines she's given she almost always forgets, resulting in several retakes and wasting of precious time. I'm sorry to say that at best she'd only be suitable for a small and barely noticeable role." His sunglasses shone brightly once more, "Hence the reason why she only works behind the camera." He looked straight at Naruto, "We need to make this movie the best one we've made yet so that we can draw a big crowd for the cultural festival and to do that, we'll need to have our actors put in as much effort as quickly as possible."

Naruto cringed, finding no loophole in Shino's argument. If they were to have Hinata star the role, to make it successful would take far too much time, time they didn't have. The girl in question looked up at Naruto with an apologetic smile as she uttered in a small voice, "I'm sorry, Naruto-kun..."

"But...but still!" Naruto persisted, "Couldn't we just ask someone to help us with the movie temporarily?" He looked to a pony-tailed man wearing a lazy expression from where he slumped in the corner, "How about Ino?"

"Already asked her." Shikamaru answered lazily, "She's too busy with the flower-arrangement club."

Before Naruto could open his mouth to voice another candidate, yet another person made his presence known, "Give it up, Naruto." Inuzuka Kiba couldn't help but give a somewhat evil grin as he rested his cheek against his knuckles, "Everyone who might wanna help us are already busy with either studying or helping their own clubs preparing for the culture festival."

Naruto grit his teeth, sweating now as he wrecked his mind for a solution to get himself out of this predicament, "But why me?" He demanded, "Why not you or Shikamaru?" He pointed at Kiba accusingly.

The last member of the movie club snickered as he munched on some chips, "Shikamaru'd look ridiculous in a dress."

"And you think I won't?!" Naruto retorted with an almost crazed expression. No one wanted to voice their opinion on this matter. Naruto wasn't the manliest of men. He had few visible muscles and only of the kind that would be common to see on both men and women. His face was more androgynous than anything. Granted, he didn't look as effeminate as Hinata's cousin, Neji, or Uchiha Sasuke but among the guys in the movie club, he was definitely the one who could easiest pass for a woman.

Shino once more pushed his sunglasses up the bridge of his nose, "I see we have no choice. I did not want to do this, Naruto," The young man in question raised a curious eyebrow at the tone in the club President's voice, "but you leave me no choice. Kiba."

At the prompting, Kiba sighed and reached into his pocket, "Right." Naruto half-thought he'd pull out something dangerous but then he found that Kiba had taken out a photograph which he now slid over to him with a hound like smirk.

Naruto frowned, picking up the photo and his eyes boggled as he looked at it, "What the hell is this?!" He shouted. Hinata who had stood up to look at the picture over his shoulder found herself red-faced and a moment later, she fell to the floor, unconscious. Fortunately, Naruto was too shocked to notice the trail of blood dripping from her nose.

"It is a picture of you in the shower." Shino explained like a Professor describing a scientific term.

"I can see that!" Naruto exclaimed, shaking his fist which still clung to the light display of soft porn, "Why is there a picture of me showering?!"

Naruto didn't need to ask how the picture had come into existence, seeing as he and Kiba lived in the same dorm. He idly wondered just how his club-mate had managed to take such a photo without him noticing and, most disturbingly, why would Kiba want to take pictures of him in the shower?

Shino laced his fingers together, placing his hands on the table as he looked up at Naruto from above the rim of his collar, giving an answer to Naruto's unvoiced concern regarding Kiba's intentions as well as his voiced question at the same time, "I suspected that you wouldn't be very forthcoming with my request so I had Kiba gather this to work as a form of blackmail." Naruto's mouth hung open at that, hardly believing his own ears, "Please, Naruto. Do the role or we'll spread those pictures via e-mail and paper-copies around to everyone at this university."

Naruto crushed the picture in his hand and tossed it away, knowing full well though that it wasn't the original and that Shino had probably already prepared several copies. He crossed his arms and stuck his nose out, determined to not cave under, "Hah! Do whatever you want! I don't care if people sees me naked, better that than them seeing me in a dress."

"Then I suppose you don't mind it if we alter it and put in an equally naked Uchiha Sasuke in the same picture. I'm sure we could find a picture of a naked man on the internet in a suggestive pose, then all we need is to add Sasuke's head and put everything in the picture of you to make it look like...something else." Shino easily countered, causing Hinata, who had just managed to get back in her seat, to keel over in another foray of nose blood.

Naruto now stared at Shino with wide, fearful eyes, his face paling, "You wouldn't."

None of them could see it because of his collar but there was actually evidence of a smile in Shino's voice as he spoke, "Yes, yes I would."

Kiba snickered, leaning closer to Shino as he pointed at Naruto's crotch, "Hey, make his dick look smaller too." He tossed Naruto an evil grin, "Not that there's much to see anyway."

Naruto snapped out of his fearful stance long enough to shake a fist at Kiba, "What was that?!"

"So, which is it going to be, Naruto?" Shino interjected, looking straight at Naruto, eager to get on with the matter.

Naruto, in turn, gained a pained expression as he returned his gaze to Shino. There were several long moments of complete silence as all eyes were on Naruto, save for Hinata, who was still somewhat unconscious. Finally, the young man fell back down in his chair, shoulders slumped as he murmured, "Fine, I'll do it."

This time, everyone was sure that Shino was smiling behind his collar as he said, "Excellent."

The meeting was adjourned and everyone began filing out, Naruto leaving quickly and hurriedly. As Kiba was making his way out, he felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked behind him only to see Hinata standing there, gripping his shoulder with her face beat red, partially from nose blood and partially from her blush, "K-Kiba-kun...can I please have a copy of that picture?"

* * *

**(A/N)** Too short? Well, it's only the prologue. Fear not, the next chapter will be up in a few days, I reckon. Until then, review well!


	2. Debut

(A/N) Well, it took a while so...sorry, I had some IRL stuff to tend to. And yet, here it is! The real Chapter one!

Enjoy!

**Pachinko **- Pachinko is the only legal manner of gamlbing available in Japan. If you watched the Tsunade arc, you'll know what it is, otherwise use google or wikipedia!

* * *

Debut

Senju Tsunade was not a happy woman these days. Once upon a time, she was the chief of medicine in the country's most prestigious hospital, well versed in the arts of not only medication but all forms of surgery known to mankind as well. While her position at the time caused her to have little to no free time for anything other than work, she loved her job and did her best for almost thirty years in the same hospital.

Unfortunately, even a hardworking genius with several lazy streaks has her flaws. Tsunade's big flaw was that she was a gambling addict. As it is, all forms of gambling except for the popular pastime of pachinko happens to be illegal in Japan, though that never stopped the Yakuza from operating their shady underworld casinos. While Tsunade was usually a very law-abiding citizen, she couldn't resist the temptation of gambling.

Even more unfortunate, she could not change her rotten luck. Even after she had gambled away pretty much everything she owned, she still continued her way into a huge debt. It grew so much that Tsunade had been forced to swallow her pride and go to the police and reveal the location of the casino she used to frequent to allow her to get away from the debt collectors.

Again, unfortunately, this little incident made it public and soon every hospital in the country knew that the best doctor in history was a gamble addict....and, to a certain extent, an alcoholic. She had been forced to resign her position as the chief of medicine at her own hospital and no other hospital wanted to hire her, not even as a nurse, for fear of their reputation.

The poor woman's misfortune did not stop here tough. To her frustration, Tsunade soon realized that while the casino had been shut down, the debt-collectors had not been put behind bars and so all of her effort had been for nothing. Normally, one would have to sell their own organs, all of them, to repay their debts to the Yakuza. The problem here was that had the gangsters gone about it that way, they would not even gain ten percent of the woman's debt.

After all she had put them through, they probably wanted nothing more than to see her dead...except for the money she owed them.

Which in turn brings us to her current profession. Unlike what most might believe, she was not forced into prostitution, even if she might have become a hit were she to pick that line of work up. Tsunade may have been well into her fifties but thanks to her knowledge of medicine, as well as a few light surgeries, she still managed to retain the appearance of a woman barely a day over twenty.

No, Tsunade was never forced into prostitution, even though this line of work was rather close to it.

"Ah, good evening, mama!" A cheerful young woman greeted her as she exited what appeared to be a dressing room dressed in a much too short dress for morality to approve of, causing the older woman to grit her teeth.

"For the umpteenth time, don't call me that!" She shook her fist at the girl who merely snickered in response before scurrying off.

'Mama', normally a name young children would call their mother. Here in the pleasure districts, it was a title for female night club bosses. Tsunade's Yakuza-acquaintances were well aware of her administration skills, gained from working as the chief of medicine for so many years, and so they set her down as the boss of a run-down hostess club, a place where lonely men came merely for the pleasure of talking and drinking with women.

Of course, some hostesses took their job even further and resorted to prostitution to earn a little extra cash. Tsunade was proud to say that not a single one of the girls working for her were of that kind, she always made sternly sure of that. If a hostess was rumored to sell her body, rumors spread and, believe it or not, those rumors were bad business and bad business meant that Tsunade got further away from paying her debt. As if the fact that she still played plenty of pachinko wasn't already doing that.

Her business was doing badly as it were already. It wasn't that her girls were rude or unattractive or any of the sort, but rather the fierce competition between the many clubs in the area made it a real task to haul in customers. If she wanted to get the profits up, she would need new blood, someone spectacular who could sway any man's heart with just a smile.

"Looks like it's going to be a slow day today as well, Tsunade-sama." Her assistant, Shizune, said with a soft smile as she placed a cup of tea in front of her boss on the bar counter. Shizune had been her assistant, as well as her best doctor second only to herself, when she was still working in the hospital. She had thrown her career away only so that she could be with her friend. Tsunade appreciated it, even though she thought the woman was utterly foolish for doing so.

Picking up the cup, Tsunade sighed, "Of course, it's only Wednesday. It's not even eight yet." Even though she said that, even weekends could be slow for the club but somehow, they always managed to hit the quota. It was still far from enough though, and Tsunade was reminded anew that she needed to find something, or someone, to bring the place out of the slump.

The door to the establishment suddenly opened and several heads turned to greet the would-be customer, though they turned back to what they were doing when they recognized the bright pink hair that could only belong to one person, "Ah, Tsunade-shishou!" Haruno Sakura smiled, waving lightly to Tsunade as she made her way over to the bar.

Tsunade smiled back at her. Sakura was a good girl, a hard-working university student hoping to get into med-school. The girl had made a lot of research to find Tsunade and when she did, she had immediately bowed to her and spoken as respectfully as possible, begging her to teach her about being a doctor. At first, Tsunade had been reluctant, but then she found that teaching the girl was a great way to take her mind off of things. "Ah, Sakura!" Tsunade gave a rather uncharacteristic whine as she slumped against the bar, "Just in time, these floozies are driving me insane." She waved her hand around, indicating to the girls in the establishment, many of whom just giggled and stuck out their tongues at her.

Sakura giggled as well before giving an apologetic smile, "Sorry, shishou, I've got an essay to tend to." She rummaged around in her bag before fishing out two slips of finely colored papers, "I'm just here to invite you and Shizune-san to the culture festival."

Tsunade quirked a brow as she accepted the tickets, Shizune leaning over to look at them as well, "Culture festival?"

* * *

The university's resident Kendo dojo was supposed to be pretty much deserted on this day, what with all of the club members either being busy with the festival or studying for upcoming tests and the like. And yet, there was on this day a single individual who still felt it was more important to train their body and spirit rather than partake in the festivities, fully donning a complete set of kendo armor.

The person's feet slid soundlessly over the polished wooden floor as they took one step forward, followed soon by another step back. Each step was accompanied by an almost lightning quick downward swing of a shinai, a kendo-practitioner's bamboo sword. The wooden piece went forward and downward before stopping abruptly to put strain on the user's muscles, weakening them with each swing as there wasn't anything other than air to stop the rod, yet the person's experience and dedicated training allowed them to continue this procedure for hours on end without pause.

The person suddenly stopped in mid-swing as suddenly the sliding door of the dojo was drawn open, revealing a blue-haired youth who stood there with a smirk, his sharp eyes locked on the training individual, "Working hard even during the festival, huh," The newcomer asked nonchalantly, leaning against the door frame, "Sasuke?"

The formerly lone person dropped their shinai to the floor before reaching up and removing their helmet as well as the piece of cloth wrapped around their head, revealing stiff black hair which practically stood up in the back, "Mizugetsu, huh?"

The other youth gave a sharp-toothed grin as he regarded Sasuke, "As expected of the ace of the kendo club. He doesn't even have the time to enjoy a cultural festival."

Sasuke merely closed his eyes in exasperation as he undid his gloves, dropping them to the floor, "Cultural festivals are useless. It's just an excuse for people to be lazy and spend the school's money."

"Do you even _know_ the meaning of that little word, 'fun'?" Mizugetsu asked sarcastically as he threw a friendly arm over Sasuke's shoulder with a roll of his eyes, "I mean, I don't think I've ever seen you out and about with a girl." He gave a slight grimace, "You're not gay, are you?"

Sasuke shrugged the other man's arm off him in annoyance, pulling off his breastplate afterwards, "Kendo's fun." He replied simply.

"Right!" Mizugetsu placed his hands behind his head and stared up at the ceiling in nonchalance, "That's why you spend practically every minute of your life doing it and the rest of your time you spend on your stupid books."

Sasuke removed his hip-protection and gathered up the rest of his gear, casting a glance to his 'friend' and commenting off-handedly, "It's better to be dedicated and studious than lazy and scandalous, right?" before heading off to the dressing room.

Mizugetsu didn't miss a beat before replying, following after Sasuke, "Hell no. Sure, you might land yourself a good job but you're losing out on the good times of life." He leaned against a locker as Sasuke began to undress, tossing his sweaty kendo-wear on a bench, "If this goes on, your first time's gonna get wasted on someone who just wants your money. Hell, it might even go to someone who _charges_ money."

That comment drew a look of very slight affront from Sasuke as he discarded his underwear in the pile and grabbed his towel before heading for the showers, "I'm not interested in romance anyway."

"Shit, and you think I am?" Mizugetsu laughed out as he followed him, this time leaning against the wall right outside the shower room and raising his voice as he heard the water being turned on, "Sleeping around and jumping from girlfriend to girlfriend is mandatory for good-looking guys like us at this age!" When Sasuke didn't answer to his claim, he added "Have you ever even _played_ with yourself?" with a silken voice and there was a very noticeable taunt in his words.

"Shut up." Was the only answer he received, muffled by the water before it was turned off. Sasuke never even seemed to take his time to enjoy a good, long shower.

Mizugetsu chuckled as Sasuke walked out of the shower room and passed, him, "Look, all I'm saying is that you should try to enjoy life a little more."

"And all I'm saying is that you should mind your own business." Sasuke countered as he dried his hair off, opening his locker to get his clean clothes.

"Step one to a better life," Mizugetsu said, completely ignoring the other's comment as he held up a finger, "Try to enjoy the cultural festival, and I know just where to start." As Sasuke merely raised a brow at his words, the blue-haired man reached into his pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper and unfolded it. He grinned at the other man as he held up the poster, showing off a rather sexy blond girl.

* * *

"I wanna die." Naruto mumbled pathetically as he sat with his body slumped forward, sagged shoulders and droopy eyes locked on the floor.

"Ch-Cheer up, Naruto-kun!" Hinata tried vainly, bravely patting his shoulder and smiling nervously at him.

"I've already committed social suicide," Naruto continued, hiding his face in his hands, "I might as well finish myself off."

The others gave him varying degrees of sympathetic looks as he continued to wallow in self-pity. The day had finally arrived, the cultural festival was here and the members of the movie club had gathered in the projector room, making everything ready for the first screening of their, in Shino's words, masterpiece; "Natural Love". Shikamaru had been quick to point out the irony of the title, considering the fact that Naruto was far from a "Natural Woman". Not very far from it on the outside maybe, but look under the clothes and voila.

"Relax. No one's going to recognize you." a man dressed in a silly Victorian outfit remarked with a big, lazy grin as he lounged in one of the chairs, his face practically smeared with makeup and face paint, "My props are always perfect. No one's ever going to even guess that you're not a girl."

Naruto looked up just so that he could glare tiredly at Kankuro, "That doesn't cheer me up at all." He was actually still trying to decide which one was worst; dressing up as a woman, or having people think of him as a woman.

"Aren't you supposed to be helping out with your own club?" Chouji asked curiously as he eyed Kankuro who merely shrugged before reclining further in his chair.

"Unlike you guys, we don't have unlimited stage time." Kankuro was a third year, a senior to most of the few members of the movie club, and also one of the leading members in the drama club. After much persuasion, Shino had managed to recruit him in helping with making Naruto look as close to a woman as possible. To say that he had done a great job would be an understatement. Not only had he provided them with makeup to both feminize Naruto's face and hide his trademark whisker birthmarks, he had also gotten them clothes from his own club, complete with padding not only for breasts but also to make Naruto's hips and rear look more feminine.

Suffice to say, after they had initially transformed Naruto, everyone who looked at him found it hard to believe that he was actually male. Kiba, who at that time had actually gone out to buy refreshments, actually gave a loud wolf whistle when he returned and saw the result. He had been incredibly embarrassed when he realized that it was Naruto he was whistling at.

Naruto had even surprised everyone with his performance as well. Despite being so reluctant to play the role of a woman, he had done it with just the same kind of determination as always. Even when it came to things he desperately hated, when he decided to do something, Uzumaki Naruto always made sure he did it as well as possible. Shino had even remarked that Naruto was acting the role of the tomboyish yet elegant heroine better than any real woman he could think of. Naruto had promptly turned red and it took ten minutes before he stopped yelling angrily at the self-proclaimed producer. He could have easily explained why it was so easy for him to play the role of a woman, but he had a feeling that none of them would find it particularly impressive that he had a big collection of books, magazines and movies with women acting rather...suggestive. Everything from model shows to downright erotic dancing. Naruto had absolutely no desire to reveal the fact that he was a bit of a closet pervert.

Still, his knowledge of sexy poses sure helped when Shino had him strike one for the movie posters hung out around the school buildings to promote the movie, something which had taken the rest of the club a full hour to make Naruto agree to.

"We're already done with our performance," Kankuro continued, "It's the music club's time to have the stage now." He dug around in his ear nonchalantly for some loose ear wax, "Though I wonder if they even managed to get started. When I left, the club president was shouting about some key member being late."

"Whatever," Kiba waved the monologue away like he would with an annoying fly as he leaned against the window next to the projector, "That still doesn't explain what you're doing here."

Kankuro gave a surprisingly cheeky grin, "Come on. Do you think I wanna miss this? Seeing as my _masterpiece_ is in it and all..."

Naruto cringed at that, guessing that Kankuro was referring to him, "I'm still kinda disturbed by how much you know about makeup and girls' clothes."

Kankuro scowled at him, "Hey, it's not my fault that everyone in the club pretty much refuse to do Karakuri plays. I'm more or less forced to use my talents for these silly English plays." He tugged at the tight collar of his costume in disgust.

(**Author's quickie lesson** – Karakuri is a traditional Japanese theater performance which is very different from western plays. The face paint that Kankuro always wears is the same kind that Karakuri-actors wear.)

Ever the polite fellow, Shino interjected before an argument of jeers and taunts could begin, "We appreciate your help, Kankuro-senpai, and I hope you'll enjoy the movie," he flipped the switch on the projector, the far wall of the room neighboring the one they were currently residing in lighting up as the movie began to play, the audience gathered in the seats set out for them immediately falling silent, "I doubt you'll be disappointed."

The forty five minutes of the movie seemed to crawl by for Naruto. Shino had forbidden him from leaving the room, saying that it was bad for "Club morale" but Naruto was sure of himself that the club president got some sick kind of sadistic pleasure from letting him get tortured like this. Granted, he didn't have to watch it but he could hear every line being said, all too well, and whenever he heard his own voice in that high pitch he wanted to curl up in the corner and hibernate for the next decade or so, maybe then people would have forgotten this day completely.

The others, with the exception of Shikamaru who had fallen asleep before the movie had even started, were watching everything intently. Shino had written the script himself and, according to himself, it was quite the masterpiece. It was a story about a young man falling in love with a girl from the first moment he saw her, the old love at first sight cliché. It took and interesting turn though when the girl didn't have any interest whatsoever in the guy and so the whole story was about him trying to win her heart.

Kiba played the main lead and Naruto, or rather, Naruko-chan, as they named him in the credits, played the female lead, with Shikamaru and Chouji both having minor roles, playing the friends of Kiba's character as he tried to figure out how to woo the mysterious tomboy.

Of course, she was only a tomboy in personality. Shino had initially imagined her as a snobby rich girl but with Naruto in the role, he thought that it would be better and far more fitting to have him play the role of an elegant girl with a rather tomboyish air to her and, if the manner of which the audience seemed to hang onto the "heroine's" every word, it would seem like it was the right choice.

The movie finally ended right where the two lead character's were about to kiss, the image switching to credits when their lips where only an inch or so away from each other. That particular break-off caused quite a few exclamations of "Awww" and "Oh, come on!" but there was still the distinct sound of clapping hands, a true sign that it had been a success.

"Uhm, are you sure we should have let it end like that?" Hinata asked Shino hesitantly, "I mean, everyone loves kissing-scenes...right?" She blushed at her own words.

"It can't be helped." Shino replied, still keeping his eyes locked on the screen." Those two had enough problem even hugging each other. To have them kiss without looking pained was just a mere impossibility."

"Got that right." Kiba muttered, crossing his arms.

"Hey! At least you didn't have to look like you were kissing a guy!" Naruto pointed angrily at Kiba, shuddering as he remembered filming the last scene. That one had required at lest ten retakes.

Kiba smirked, "Oh? What, are you admitting that you look like a girl?"

Naruto was immediately on his feet, his face burning red as he glared at his 'co-star', "The hell! Bastard! You didn't look half as reluctant as I felt!"

This time, it was Kiba's turn to feel affronted, "It's a movie! I was acting! How the hell do you think it'd look if I showed how I felt in front of the camera?!"

Shino ignored the two bickering in the background as he relished in the moment, watching the room on the other side of the window slowly emptying.

* * *

"I want her."

"Eh?" Shizune turned to look at Tsunade with a frightened expression just as the credits began rolling. The two had arrived at the festival earlier than initially planned, Tsunade having been rather impatient to get going. Shizune had more than just an inkling suspicion that it had something to do with the paperwork regarding the shipment of booze they had ordered.

Which in turn left them with nothing to do but to walk around and look at the many exhibitions, cafés and whatnots set up by the students. It was when they had walked by a poster promoting the very movie they had just been watching. Tsunade had stared at the picture before promptly grabbing Shizune by the wrist and then unceremoniously dragging her over to the screening.

"She's just what I've been looking for." Tsunade said with a grin and a look in her eyes that, quite frankly, scared Shizune, "If she can act like that in front of the camera, who knows how she could act in the face of a rich businessman with the prospect of actually being paid?"

Shizune's eyes widened as she finally realized what her mentor was talking about and she grabbed her by the shoulders, leaning in to whisper desperately, "You can't, Tsunade-sama! She's a university student!"

"University students are usually of age and constantly in the need of money." Tsunade countered easily, eyes still locked onto the screen as the credits rolled by. She could care less for morals at this point. Here, in front of her, she had seen the girl who could save her club from the slump it currently found itself in.

"But...but still!" Shizune persisted, shaking her employer by the shoulders.

Tsunade didn't even twitch and she never took her eyes off the screen, "During the last three years, we've had five university students working at the club. I don't see how this is any different." She scanned the names of the people having helped in the movie, cursing the credits for sliding by so slowly.

"Everyone of those came there willingly! They weren't asked to!" Shizune tried again desperately, already crying waterfalls as she realized that no matter what she said, Tsunade wouldn't listen to her.

The former doctor's eyes finally lit up as she found the name she was looking for, "Naruko-chan." She read aloud before getting to her feet, the ambitious grin still plastered to her face, "We're going, Shizune."

"Y-Yes, m'am!" Shizune stumbled after her, still crying comically because of her failure to keep her mentor out of dangerous and immoral waters.

A few rows away from the pair though, someone else seemed to have been enjoying the movie equally as much

* * *

"I want her, man." Mizugetsu commented as he reclined lazily in his seat, "That...Naruko-chan, that is." He added, squinting his eyes as he finally located her name in the credits, "I mean, did you see her butt in that one scene? That's my kinda girl!"

Despite his protests, Sasuke had unwittingly decided to accompany Mizugetsu to the movie-screening. He had never had any interest in movies, well, save for the times when he had absolutely no space for kendo and the area was too small for kendo, leaving him with nothing better to do. Still, even with his lack of interest in the theatrical arts, Sasuke couldn't help but be somewhat impressed with the main actress of the movie.

Even as a person who didn't enjoy movies regularly, he could still spot someone who worked hard and made the best of what they did. In Sasuke's eyes, unless the girl was the exact same in reality as she was in the movie, she must have put in some great effort in her role. Hell, even if she was exactly the same as her role, it was still a great performance compared to the male lead.

Now, while Sasuke was rarely a person to indulge in such mundane things as "attraction", he still found himself drawn to this woman. He saw her as someone who took her tasks at hand seriously, just like he always did! Maybe this woman was his female counterpart? The mere thought was enough to keep him from making a sarcastic comment to counter Mizugetsu's statement, instead causing him to give a vaguely interested, "Hmmm." and that tiny sound of interest so well-hidden into that word, almost a grunt, was enough to cause Mizugetsu to look upon his friend with wide eyes.

Meanwhile, a few rows away, a red-haired individual found themselves grinning at the screen, muttering, "I want her" to themselves. The person in question soon found themselves blinking in surprise as a green-clad individual in the seat next to them stood up rather abruptly with tears streaming from their eyes.

"Such a wonderful display of youth!" The person more or less exclaimed, "The movie was filled with youthfulness but the main actress was all but overflowing with youth!" The redhead felt inclined to lean away from the ridiculously loud voice, especially when another one followed right next to it.

""How wonderfully said, Lee! I couldn't have said it better myself!" This one was slightly taller but dressed in the exact same kind of clothes as the first one, "Such a heart-gripping story of youthful love! I'm...I'm moved!" The way the Bruce Lee-wannabe clenched his fist as tears streamed down his face made several other spectators recoil in both wonder and fear.

"But still, Gai-sensei!" His younger clone intoned, "Was that ending really satisfactory?! We never had the chance to find out what happened to the secret admirer, nor were we allowed the classic moment of a full kiss- BWOH!" His words were interrupted by the older man who threw an incredibly hard punch at him, sending him straight past the red-haired individual who looked on in hock as he was sent straight into a wall.

"Idiot!" The older green clad man, Gai, said as he clenched his fist, tears still streaming down his face, "This sort of abrupt ending is also good! It leaves the audience thinking 'what happened then?' and gives the creators a chance to create an equally youthful sequel! The secret admirer will surely make their reappearance then!"

The younger green lad, Lee, freed himself of the rubble as if nothing had happened and looked upon the older man as if he were Einstein, "Then...if we are patient, does that mean we will see even more wondrous youthfulness, Gai-sensei?"

"Of course, Lee! Youth is forever, especially on a silver screen!" The tall man clenched his fist and looked off into the distance, or rather, the wall, seeing as there wasn't much distance between four walls, "We must make sure that we are here when the sequel is made, Lee. We must make sure that we both witness the true ending of this youthful tale!"

"Gai-sensei!" The younger one looked upon the older man with tearful eyes as he made his way over to him.

"Lee!" The older man welcomed his pupil with open arms.

"Gai-sensei!" The younger one flew into the awaiting arms of his teacher.

"Lee!" The two stood there, hugging each other as the screen showed a twilight sunset with ocean waves splashing against the shore, making for the perfect background for the two.

* * *

"Hey, what's with the sunset?" Kankuro asked as he watched the screen after most of the audience had left.

Shino answered with a cough as he turned off the projector, "I used an already recorded tape for the movie. It seems like these are some remaining pictures from the old Film club. We are rather short on funds, after all, so we're forced to use whatever we can find.

Kankuro tilted his head to the side as he witnessed the screen going completely black, "Heh, so that's it."

"Ahhhhh..." Naruto breathed a sigh of relief as he leaned back in his seat, looking thoroughly exhausted, "Finally, it's over."

"Well, we still have the time for five more screenings before the festival is over," Shino commented as he began rewinding the movie, "No one else requested the use of this room, after all."

Naruto was immediately on his feet, clutching the front of Shino's oversized jacket with tears streaking down his cheeks, "Aren't you happy already?! Isn't one showing enough for you?!"

Shino wouldn't falter, his sunglasses sparkling in a way that showed his ambition, "The more times we get to show this movie, the more famous we will get."

Before Naruto could open his mouth again, the door to the prjector room opened and everyone turned just in time to see a blonde-haired and quite beautiful woman enter, wearing a somewhat wicked grin on her face. She stood there in silence for a few seconds before she uttered, "I'm looking for the actress named 'Naruko-chan'."

Naruto immediately paled.

* * *

(A/N) Well then, what will happen? Review and you might find out!


	3. Heating up

**(A/N)** I forgot to mention this earlier but the full name of the First Hokage is Senju Hashirama and seeing as Tsunade is his grandchild I decided to use the same family name, resulting in Senju Tsunade.

I must also apologize for the...err...sloppiness of the earlier chapter. I was tired as hell and I forgot to add lines to distinguish between the scenes but I've fixed that now.

Also! I would like to give great thanks to an anonymous writer calling themselves "The Unknown Majeh" for giving me my first review with a handsome amount of constructive criticism . Yes, I was actually agonizing over how to introduce Sasuke into the story and so his part wasn't exactly well-written on my part. As to being too vague with the character-introduction....guilty, this is my first fanfic. I've written articles and short novels before and it's rather popular to be a little vague when writing the kind I'm into. Still, the vagueness worked in my favor. People are already guessing who the "Redhead" from the earlier chapter was and I'm telling you, most people are going to slap their foreheads when they realize who it is...or cry.

* * *

**Heating up**

"Where's Naruko-chan?" Tsunade asked again as she took a few steps into the projector room, looking from person to person as she tried to find the star of the movie. Shizune was right behind her, still crying waterfalls with her shoulders sagged as she had by now realized that it would be impossible to stop the woman.

Shino stepped in front of Tsunade, causing the former doctor to quirk a brow, "Are you a talent-scout from a famous publishing company or any sort of movie-making group?" He asked bluntly, sunglasses shining in the lamp-light.

Tsunade blinked, somewhat surprised by the young man's forwardness. Clearing her throat, she decided to take the professional approach. No doubt, they'd get a little put off if she showed too much of an obsessive behavior, "No, but-"

"In that case, please leave." Shino immediately interrupted. If she wasn't from the entertainment business, she was useless to him and his club, "This room is currently restricted to members of the film club only."

"Ah, and their associates." Kankuro chimed in lazily, with a tiny hint of grumpiness at the prospect of being left out of the count..

A vein popped up on Tsunade's forehead and she prepared herself to launch a tirade of arguments at the strange man in front of her...but then she caught sight of the person hiding behind him. Blond hair? Check. Blue eyes? Check. Approximate height? Check. Female? Un-checked, "Hmm..." She uttered, her eyes narrowing like that of a cat in front of something that might or might not be qualified as prey.

Naruto had hurriedly hidden himself behind Shino and his big jacket as soon as the woman had announced the fact that she was looking for "Naruko-chan", aka him. Unwittingly, he had peeked out to get a look at the woman but alas, it had been such a mistake for now...she was looking straight at him!

Without any further ado, Tsunade pushed...or some might say _threw_, Shino aside before she swiftly reached out and put both her hands on Naruto's shoulder's and held him still, causing the poor lad to shiver and stare back at her as she appeared to examine him thoroughly. Naruto, scared out of his wits, couldn't do anything but stare back at her eyes before she gave a wide, frightening grin and said, "Found you."

Those baby blue eyes were of a rather unique quality, especially considering the fact that the majority of Japanese people have brown eyes, and Tsunade could recognize the same intensity in those eyes as she had seen in the heroine of the movie.

None of this mattered to Naruto. Despite being somewhat of a knucklehead, he immediately realized that he was caught. Perhaps it was a mix of his nervousness and paranoia that had been caused by the situation.

Nevertheless, even though he had been grabbed by the very person who now knew that he had agreed to cross-dress for the movie, the young man still managed to keep a remarkable amount of composure.

After all, he didn't squeal like a girl when he jerked free of the blond woman, no. He gave a rather manly screech instead as he burst out of the projector room, running as if the devil himself was chasing him, "Aieeeeeeeeeeh!"

"Get him, Shizune!" Tsunade bellowed without an ounce of hesitation as she recovered from the swift departure, "That brat's Naruko-chan!"

Shizune had been knocked aside by Naruto as he left the room, leaving her feeling as if a hurricane has pushed by her, but when her mentor said those words her eyes got wide as saucers, "Eh?! That...boy?!"

"Yeah!" Tsunade replied without further ado as she rushed passed Shizune, pulling her confused assistant along for the ride, grinning all the while "I can't believe a man can play the role of a woman so well without anyone noticing but somehow he did it!" She replied, running frantically through the corridor past students and other festival-goers in her high heels and her short business skirt with a much more conservatively dressed Shizune following along behind her.

"Don't...don't tell me..." Shizune stuttered out desperately as she ran behind her mentor, already knowing the answer by now. She just wanted to give herself the illusion that there was something else behind the chase.

"Exactly!" Tsunade responded, shamelessly pushing people aside as she continued the hunt, "That's our new top-seller! No doubt about it!"

"Even though he's a man?!" Shizune tried for the sake of trying. She had by now realized that Tsunade had given up on common sense but since when had there been any shame in trying to enforce it?

"He's a woman trapped in a man's body!" Tsunade countered with perfect precision, causing Shizune to fall over in surprise.

Back in the projector room, all the awake and assembled members of the movie club plus one spectator stared at the still swinging door in varying degrees of shock. Naturally, Shino was the first one to regain his composure, "Hmm, it appears we've ended up in a bit of a fix." He commented as he crossed his arms, "With the true identity of 'Naruko' discovered, our plans to recruit new members are in danger."

"That's what you're worrying about?!" came Kiba's shocked counter as he slapped his hand in the air like a _manzai_-comedian.

(**Author's quickie-lesson**: Manzai is a form of stand up comedy widely popular in Japan which consists of two performers, one of which will say something that's either stupid, inappropriate or, in this case, unfitting for the situation (the _boke_) while the other will then correct or question the former. (The _tsukkomi_, or straight man) Most often in an exaggerated manner.)

"Shi-Shino-kun!" Hinata mildly scolded Shino for his disregard to the more important matters at hand, "Th-this isn't the time to be worrying about the club...what...what if that woman does something horrible to Naruto-kun?" the girl fretted.

Shino turned and eyed the two through his shades as an ominous aura flared up behind him, "The film-club's reputation comes before the well-being of our members unless the latter will have severe consequences which will jeopardize the former." His tone was as calm and unfeeling as always yet there was a certain feeling of impending doom hanging in the air for those who might dare to challenge his words as club-president.

Chouji, who had miraculously stopped munching on his snacks due to the shocking events that had unfolded, pointed out, "Uhm...but thinking about Naruto being so popular as Naruko-chan, wouldn't it be bad if he suddenly couldn't show up for club activities?"

"Ah! That's true!" Kiba agreed, clutching his hair, "We're short-staffed as it is!" Indeed, and losing their one popular actor/actress would most definitely give very negative results in the recruitment-department.

"And just think about what that woman might do if she doesn't get what she wants..." Kankurou pointed out lazily as he pulled at a loose string on his costume, "She might just reveal that Naruko is actualy a guy out of spite."

Nevertheless, Shino remained silent, still not moving a muscle from where he stood, even as the other club-members plus Kankurou looked at him with varying degrees of worry and urgency on their faces.

After what seemed like a long, pregnant silence, Shino suddenly looked up and said calmly, yet with a grave monotone in his voice, "We must keep that woman from catching Naruto." Hinata shone up and Kiba prepared to dash out of the room but Shino continued with a dramatic "But before that;" The others looked at him inquisitively as he raised a hand and pointed towards the slumbering form in the corner, "Someone wake up Shikamaru and fill him in on the details."

* * *

Naruto Ran. He ran as fast as he could through the more or less packed corridors of the building. He didn't care who he knocked over, as long as he could get away from the woman who appeared so eager to catch him, with a single line running through his head over and over again, "_She knows, she knows, she knows_!"

He didn't really know just why he ran but his instincts told him that it was probably the best thing to do. He was too panicked to think too much about the fact that she would know just as much about his little cross-dressing activity even if he ran away but fear kept his legs moving and his brain silent. In his mind and in the very core of his being, he was a manly man, despite how he might be made to look. People acknowledging his very existence was of utmost importance to him...as long as they acknowledged him in a positive way!

He practically barreled over a girl carrying a large cardboard box, causing all of it's contents to spill out on the floor. Strangely enough, the contents appeared to be a collection of what appeared to be old martial arts weapons! Granted, knives and firearms are closely regulated in Japan but these seemed to be made for mere exhibition purposes. Lucky.

Still, the pointy caltrops that now littered the floor made for a pretty good diversion as Naruto made his escape, "Hey!" The girl who had carried the box called out angrily, "What the hell are you doing?!" Her hairstyle coupled with her expression made her look like an angry panda.

"Sorry!" Naruto called out in earnest regret, "I'm in a damn hurry!" before he rounded the corner.

Tsunade and her assistant who had followed him close enough to at least keep their eyes on him thus far, were not so lucky.

"Ye-ouch!" Tsunade cried out as one of the caltrops cut straight through her high-heeled shoe and made a painful prick in her foot. Gritting her teeth, she more or less ripped the whole shoe off her foot and threw it over her shoulder where Shizune, who had been lucky enough to notice the caltrops and thus avoid walking into them, caught it in her hands.

"You!" Tsunade barked at the panda-ear hairstyle who seemed unusually terrified at the woman. Most likely due to Tsunade's instinctual aura of authority, "Where does that hallway lead to and is there a quicker way of getting there?" She asked frantically as she used her feet to kick aside a variety of pointy objects on the floor to avoid stepping on them.

The girl looked from the woman and over to the hallway that Naruto had made his escape through and hastily tried to think up an answer, "Uhm, well!" She looked at the woman in front of her as she dropped a shuriken into the box, her face one of admiration mixed with fear of hellfire, "It...just leads to the first floor...and...the next corridor down there...leads to the lobby...and onto campus." She forced herself to smile.

Tsunade clenched her fists and gave a most unfeminine growl as she kicked at the pile of weapons with her still clothed foot, "Shit!" causing several pointy objects to embed themselves into the walls...not to mention the ones flying towards frightened onlookers who barely managed to dodge them, causing Shizune to fret like a hen whose chicks have just left the nest, "Waaaah, Tsunade-sama!"

"I guess there's only one way to get ahead of him!" Tsunade said as she moved towards one of the windows and pried it open, placing her foot on the windowsill and actually preparing to jump out.

Were it not for her trusty assistant, she probably would have, "Aaah! Stop it, Tsunade-sama!" The woman pleaded, latching onto her mentor's waist, "You might break a leg...or two!"

"I need that boy!" Tsunade persisted as she struggled against Shizune's grip with the panda-ear-headed girl still staring at the duo in utter disbelief before the assistant finally managed to pull her mentor away from the window, resulting in Tsunade ending up on top of Shizune who ended up on her back.

"Tsunade-sama! He's not worth your own well-being!" Shizune pleaded as she tried to desperately keep her hold on Tsunade.

"Aaargh! To hell with my well-being! Tsunade all but roared as she tried to get loose, "My _life_ is at stake here!"

"Ah, Tenten-senpai?" A soft voice suddenly interrupted the dramatic situation and everyone turned to look at the individual who came waltzing around the same corner as the one Naruto had disappeared around, "What's going on here? What hap-...Eh?! Shishou?" Sakura exclaimed as she finally caught sight of Tsunade being restrained by Shizune who offered her a sheepish smile upon noticing her.

"Ah! Listen to this, Sakura!" The girl called Tenten cried as she sat kneeling on the floor, surrounded by numerous weapons, "I need to get these weapons to the exhibition before it starts but some crazy boy comes running into me and spills 'em all over the floor!"

"Eh? Sakura responds as she kneels down in front of Tenten and begins to help her gather up the pointy objects, looking over her shoulder towards the bend in the corridor that she just came from, "Are you talking about-"

As soon as she noticed that expression of recognition, Tsunade crawled towards the pair with incredible speed despite her assistant keeping a firm hold of her and grabbed Sakura by her shirt and asked frantically, "Do you know him?! Do you know the boy who ran through here?!"

"Eh?!" Sakura responded in slight fright but decided to answer the question nonetheless, "Y-yeah, I know him. His name is Uzumaki Naruto, he's in my social studies class."

Tsunade's face shone up as she pulled Sakura closer to her, forcing the girl to bend forward despite kneeling down, "What's his financial situation? Does he live alone? Are his parents rich???"

Sakura looked even more freaked out at this moment but out of respect and/or fear for her mentor, she felt she should answer, "I...think he lives alone. I...I went to the same middle school as him and at that time he was...an orphan. Our teacher at the time was his legal guardian though."

An orphan who lived alone with a teacher as his legal guardian...it was such a perfect situation that Tsunade couldn't stop herself from giving off a sinister chuckle, "Fufufu...alright." She shot up onto her feet, causing Shizune, who was still clinging to her waist, to squeak in surprise, "Perfect." Seeing as her superior had apparently calmed down, Shizune let go of her and handed her her shoe which she immediately put on. Grinning in triumph, Tsunade put her hands on her hips even as Tenten busily gathered up her assortment of weapons from the floor, "With this, my hostess-club is sure to be saved from its' financial slump..." She clenched a fist in front of her, "..and I'm guaranteed to have my debts paid off in no time!"

Both Shizune and Sakura sweatdropped, finding that hard to believe, both of them knowing just how much money the woman had to make to get out of dept, "Shizune!" Tsunade barked.

"Ah, yes?" The woman in question stood straight, awaiting orders.

"You go ahead and find the president of that movie club the boy is part of. His name is...ah." She blinked, putting a finger to her chin, "Ah, I never asked him. Sakura, do you know?"

Sakura got back on her feet as Tenten snuck away with a sheepish 'excuse me' and gained a pondering expression, "Uhm...if I'm not wrong, I think it's Aburame Shino...but..."

"Alright!" Tsunade interrupted with a grin as she turned towards Shizune, once again with her hands on her hips in a manner that showed her authority, "Find this Aburame person and give him my contact card. Tell him I have some very important matters to discuss with him and that if he cares about the well-being of his club, he'll be sure to show up. All clear?"

"Y-Yes! Tsunade-sama!" Shizune stood straight and gave a nervous salute before hurrying off in the same direction they came from, leaving Tsunade and Sakura alone among the masses of visitors who could now walk freely thanks to the pointy objects having been removed from the floor.

"Uhm...Shi-Shishou..." Sakura asked hesitantly, "Just...what is going on?" Despite her high intelligence and studious nature, she just couldn't figure out what the heck the situation was all about.

Tsunade, in response, ripped a poster from the wall, the very poster promoting the movie she had watched not at all long ago, and shoved it in Sakura's face, "I'm going to make Uzumaki Naruko my most popular hostess ever!"

Sakura, staring at the poster unblinkingly, could only manage to utter a single syllable, "...eh?"

* * *

"Oi! Naruto! Where are you?" Chouji called out as he looked around the courtyard-like campus of the school, Shikamaru tagging along not far behind. The two of them had been put in charge of searching the campus as Kiba and Hinata searched the eastern and western buildings while Shino searched the main building. Somehow, Chouji felt he had picked the shorter straw; after all, this particular university didn't have any vending machines in the outdoor areas, "Hey, maybe he ran home?" Said the fa-...pleasantly plump young man as he rubbed his stomach, looking over his shoulder at his much less enthusiastic friend.

Shikamaru in turn, gave a big yawn as he rubbed the back of his head, "This is Naruto we're dealing with..." He said as if the answer was obvious, "Normally, he prefers to confront his problems head-on, so if this was a normal situation he wouldn't even think of running away." He pushed a finger into his ear and began to dig away for ear wax with little enthusiasm, "He doesn't get freaked out easily but from what you've told me...this time it seems like he's pretty damn scared."

Chouji spread his arms wide as he asked, "Then...where would he go?"

"Most likely, he'd get out of sight and hide himself at the first suitable place he found." Replied the so-called genius as he finally dug out a piece of wax and inspected it before flicking it away, "I can't make a guess as to where that would be though, seeing as there's so much people around here and..." He paused.

"And?" Chouji inquired curiously.

"...it's troublesome."

Chouji sweatdropped at the answer but after a moment's thought, h reasoned that he should have guessed that that was what Shikamaru was going to say.

"Oi! Shikamaru!" A high-pitched voice called out, causing the man in question to stop and tense up as if turned into stone.

Chouji of course immediately recognized the voice and turned to look after the source and when he found it, raised his arm and opened his mouth to call out, "Ah, Ino-" Before he could finish though, Shikamaru grabbed him by the arm and actually _ran_ around the corner of the building, "Wh-what? Shikamaru, that was Ino-"

"And she's been pestering me for the last three days." Shikamaru muttered back as he looked around for a suitable hiding spot before he finally decided that the bushes right next to him would suit his purpose well enough and in he jumped, dragging poor Chouji along with him, "She's been pestering me to come watch that exhibition her flower arrangement club is holding." He whispered frantically, crouching in the bushes.

Chouji blinked, "Then why don't you just tell her that you don't want to go?"

"You don't think I've tried?" Shikamaru sighed, "For some reason, Ino's been really-"

"Oi! Find your own hiding spot!" Another familiar voice suddenly interrupted in a frantic whisper.

Shikamaru and Chouji both turned in surprise to find Naruto curled up in a similar position right next to them, looking as if he'd been hyperventilating for the last ten minutes, "See?" Shikamaru whispered to Chouji, "I told you he'd be hiding."

"I'm not hiding!" Naruto retorted in a loud whisper before turning away childishly, "I'm just...camping."

The other two sweatdropped before Shikamaru pulled out his cellphone, "Well, we'd better tell Shino that we've found you."

Naruto, still overly paranoid due to the earlier chase, grabbed his arm and leaned in to whisper angrily, "Why the hell would ya do that?"

Shikamaru didn't even bat an eye as he replied, "Because that's why we're here; to look for you." He continued to tap away at his cell even as he spoke, "Shino wanted us to find you no matter what so..." He trailed off but right as he was about to press 'send', Naruto grabbed his typing hand to keep him from doing just that.

"Don't!" he almost screamed, but managed to keep his voice to that of a frantic whisper, "I can't trust him!"

Shikamaru and Chouji both blinked questionably and stayed silent for a moment as Naruto gripped Shikamaru's hand with an angry expression on his face until Chouji finally spoke, "Well...Shino wanted us to find you before that woman so that she wouldn't cause any trouble for the club."

Naruto, ever the simple lad, shone up, "Really?" He even forgot to keep his voice down.

"Which is a little weird..." Shikamaru said lazily as he finally managed to press the 'send' button. When he noticed Naruto and Chouji's confused stares, he elaborated, "Well, simply finding Naruto wouldn't exactly solve the problem of that woman knowing that our main 'actress' is actually an 'actor', "He put his phone away and dug around in his pocket for a pack of cigarettes, "Even if you managed to get away from her, she'll still know that you're part of our club and so she'll probably be able to find out your name and other more personal stuff about you that she'll need for..." He paused as he lit up one of the poisonous sticks, "...whatever it is she wants you for."

"Ugh!" Naruto pulled at his hair, staring at the ground, "I'm doomed."

"It certainly seems so." Came an unfamiliar voice from right next to Naruto, causing the other three young men to turn to their side in surprise. Naruto, in particular, felt his face pale.

"Ne...Neji." He said with a tone in his voice that might as well have meant disgust as he watched the young Hyuuga sit there in a similar pose as himself, dressed in clothes that would normally be viewed as far too classy for a university student, admiring a poster in his hands.

Turning his pearly white eyes to gaze on Naruto, he showed him the poster, "With such an alluring picture as this, it'd be a miracle if someone didn't take notice of you." Naruto, in turn, stared back in slight disgust at the poster which showed himself dressed up as the female lead of the movie, complete with a suggestive pose and everything.

"Sh-Shut up!" He screamed as he grabbed the poster and ripped it to shreds faster than even a mechanical shredder could manage, "I didn't do it 'cause I wanted to! And what the hell are you doing here anyway?!"

"Curiosity." The pale young man answered without missing a beat, not exactly answering Naruto's question. Despite this, he continued, "The Hyuuga family might be able to keep you out of this...'woman's' grasp," Neji said the word 'woman' as if it was of poison, "...that is, if you would accept my care..." The pale boy leaned closer to Naruto with an expressionless face, though his eyes were very suggestive, causing Naruto's own face to grow even whiter out of fear. Naruto, naïve as he was, had been well aware of the term 'homosexual' but in the kind of manner that he didn't believe that it would ever affect him. That is, until he had met his senpai Hyuuga Neji.

"You say you didn't want to do it and yet you did it." Another new voice lazily interfered, this time female, "I don't really know or care why you did it but seeing as you actually did it, you'd better be ready to handle the consequences. Ne~, Shikamaru?" The person ended coyly as they pushed Chouji aside to lean against Shikamaru.

Shikamaru's eyebrow twitched as he tried to lean away from the offending touch, "Temari-senpai, this is highly inappropriate." Of course, Shikamaru wondered desperately how the woman had managed to sneak into the bushes without him knowing but the most urgent matter at hand was how to get rid of her!

"Ara? And hiding in the bushes isn't?"Temari countered teasingly, reaching inside of Shikamaru's shirt to trace circles with her finger against his skin, "If a teacher found you here they might think you're doing something against the school rules, you know."

"And with you acting the way you do," Shikamaru answered, his eyebrow twitching full speed now, "I'd be sure to get expelled if they saw me now."

Temari snickered, this time slinging her other arm around Shikamaru's shoulder in a rather boyish fashion as she leaned in to whisper in a voice still loud enough for the other three young men to hear, "If you'd just take me up on my offer, I wouldn't have to do this, you know." She breathed into his ear, causing not only Shikamaru, but also the other three males in the vicinity to shudder in discomfort.

"Oy!" Naruto interrupted, "We're a little busy here, senpai!" Chouji and Neji nodded in agreement, the latter even leaning a little closer to Naruto to prove a point that didn't even fit in with the situation.

"Ah, sorry, sorry!" Temari held her hands up and gave an apologetic smile, "I just got so excited when I saw Shikamaru hide himself here, as if he had...something to hide." She spoke the last few words in a tone of voice that would be best left for the bedroom, "So..." She suddenly grabbed a hold of Shikamaru's arm, to the young man's horror, "I guess I'll just bring him somewhere more private!"

Before anyone could say anything to protest or comment the notion, the leaves and twigs of the bushes in front of them were pushed aside to reveal a pretty face, free of blemishes and accompanied by a pair of blue eyes and blond hair, "Ah, Shikamaru!" The girl exclaimed in delight, "What are you doing in the bu-....eeeehhh?!" She suddenly exclaimed as she noticed the girl attached to Shikamaru's arm.

"Ah...ah...Ino..." Shikamaru tried meekly, looking more nervous and even scared than any of his friends, even Chouji, had ever seen him before..

Ino stared wide-eyed at the group of people hiding in the bushes, but her attention was entirely focused on Shikamaru and Temari. Her face became heated and her cheeks burned a bright red color as she noticed how Temari clung to Shikamaru with her hand inside his shirt. After a rather awkward moment of silence as Ino stared at the two, Chouji decided to open his mouth to try to explain it all but Ino interrupted him by shrieking, "INDECENT!" Causing the other's to give off low groans while wishing they had covered their ears, "Shikamaru! You're being too indecent!" Ino continued, clutching her fists in front of her as she glared at the pair.

Normally, Shikamaru would only give off an expression of extreme annoyance when it came to women talking to or about him but with Ino now trying to glare a hole through his skull, he held both of his hands up and actually tried to make excuses, "H-Hold on Ino! This isn't what-!"

Before he could finish though, Temari interrupted with a loud sigh, "Geez, could your timing be any worse?" She glared at Ino with eyes that would have sent lesser people running, "We're busy right now so could you please leave us alone?"

Ino, of course, was not one of those lesser people, "What?! You've got like...three spectators here!" She raged.

Temari blinked and looked past Shikamaru at Naruto and Neji and then down at Chouji whom she had pushed away to gain access to Shikamaru's arm, "Oh." As if she hadn't known about them being there at all before. Suddenly lighting up in a grin, she said, "Well then, I'll just take Shikamaru-kun to a more private location!" Her words caused all the males in the vicinity to sweatdrop as she began to unceremoniously drag Shikamaru to the side with her.

"Oh no you don't!" Ino protested as she grabbed Shikamaru's free arm, attempting to pull him out of the bushes, "Shikamaru promised to be a spokesman for my flower arrangement club today!"

"I didn't-." Shikamaru weakly tried to deny this but Ino immediately shot him down by screaming into his ear.

"You don't even have anything important to do for your own club so you might as well help us out!"

"Now hold down a minute!" Temari challenged, puling at Shikamaru's other arm, "Shikamaru's going to be making an oral commentating-show about my club's performance at the stage today."

"I wasn't-" Shikamaru tried again with weak tears in his eyes but once again he was interrupted.

"Heee-eeh?" Ino mockingly voiced, "But aren't your club already finished with their performance, what with you being out here and all?" She gave another tug at Shikamaru's arm, "I saw it, y'know." Her face soured, "And it sucked. You wouldn't need Shikamaru to tel you that....speaking of which, he didn't even see it, did he?"

Temari gritted her teeth and pulled on Shikamaru as well, the two girls practically treating him as a rag doll, "He doesn't need to see it! All he needs is me telling him about the story and all our actors' performances so that he can pull together a good summary of the whole show!" The sandy-haired woman stuck her nose up and smirked, "Well, unlike you, I'm sure Shikamaru would be able to understand the beauty of our performance without even seeing it, flower-Hippie."

Ino's baby-blue eyes practically glowed red at that, "What was that-!?"

"Retreat!" Shikamaru suddenly called out with wide eyes, apparently having had enough of the verbal cat-fight going on in front of him. Chouji was the first to act, immediately jumping up from his slumped-down position to grab onto Shikamaru's elbow. Naruto caught onto the hint surprisingly quickly and grabbed onto his club-mate's other elbow before the trio quickly burst out of the bushes, followed closely by their senior, Neji.

"Ah! Wait, Shikamaru!" Ino called out angrily, almost echoed by Temari's louder call of "Shikamaru-kun!"

"Ah, dammit." Chouji sighed as they ran for dear life, "Why is it that you're so popular with the girls, Shika?"

"Yeah!" Naruto asked in passing as he ran as if the devil himself was at his heels, "I mean, you're not even god-looking!"

"I agree with Naruto completely." Neji commented passively, even as Shikamaru sighed loudly as he ran, something he rarely did at all.

"They don't want me for 'romantic' reasons!" He argued heatedly, his cheeks flushed, "They just want me for their clubs!" He tilted his head back as the group ran for the school gates, "Agh, dammit! Women are so troublesome!"

* * *

_The thirty-sixth Festival of the prestigious Konoha University ended without much hardship, but a few visitors had complaints about students littering deadly weapons on the floor, as well as a group of students fleeing the school grounds chased by a pair of bickering girls for unknown reasons. Also, most of the visitors present at this years festivities showed some clear curiosity regarding the identity of the actress called 'Naruko' who played the role of the heroine in the film club's movie project. I have no idea myself whom she is, but as long as she is one of our students, I don't believe that her identity would pose a problem. All in all, this years cultural festival was a great success despite several mishaps._

_Sarutobi Hiruzen.

* * *

_

Shino sipped his tea with the elegance of a statue, sitting completely straight in his seat at the café he had been invited to. On this rare occasion, he had actually pulled his collar down and pulled his hood back to reveal hid entire head. His eyes, however, were still completely covered by his round sunglasses. After all, one did not need their eyes to drink tea, other than seeing the cup. Still, this was a rather stale situation. His university's cultural festival had ended a few days ago and in the middle of it he had found that his most successful actor/actress had actually 'not' been captured by the scary woman who had been after him. The whole matter had caused Shino to agree that it would be best for Naruto to stay home during the remaining days festival as they held the showings of the movie, something that Naruto was more that happy to agree with.

And yet, the president of the film club currently found himself face to face with the woman who had shown such a fanatical interest in Naruto only a few days ago!

"So," Shino finally spoke in a steely manner, "What did you want to talk to me about?" He acted as if he didn't already know, sitting completely still like a statue with his hands folded in his lap. He was quite sure what the subject of this conversation would be, but he wasn't one hundred percent sure of which direction it would take.

His companion smiled in a confident manner as she set her cup down before her, tossing a strand of stray blond hair over her shoulder, "Well," She leaned forward, her generous bosom resting on the edge of the table as she intertwined her fingers in front of her and stares right into Shino's sunglass-covered eyes, "I'm here to discuss the identity of the actress in your care known as Naruko."

Shino remained silent for a few moments before he took a small sip of his tea. He remained silent for almost an entire minute but the woman in front of him didn't appear in the least bit annoyed until he responded, "I'm guessing that you are very well aware of Naruko's real identity."

The woman closed her eyes and chuckled, "I know as much as the fact that this actress 'Naruko-chan' is actually the actor Uzumaki Naruto."

Shino looked upon the woman and, as she did not elaborate further, sighed and intertwined his fingers in front of him in a manner resembling hers, his gaze downward, "I see." He raised his eyes, his sunglasses glinting in the sunlight coming from the windows, "Now then...what is your condition for keeping this fact a secret?"

Tsunade smiled in triumph before she spoke, "It is quite simple. Ten percent."

Shino raised an unseen eyebrow as he repeated, "Ten percent?"

Tsunade leaned back in her seat as she sipped her sake-spiked java and cheekily elaborated, "That will be the cut of the money that goes to your little club. Normally, whoever provides a hostess to a hostess-club will receive five percent of the girl's income every month, forty five percent will go to the girl whereas fifty percent will go to the club." She once again crossed her fingers in front of her, "But...Naruto-kun...no, Naruko-chan has the sort of acting personality that will draw a tremendous amount of customers. I'm willing to take a mere thirty percent of what he earns every month while giving your club a whole ten percent, leaving him with sixty percent of whatever he earns as a hostess at my club."

Shino stared at the woman for a few moments before raising his cup of tea for a sip, slowly setting it down on the table afterwards. He couldn't just let go of his control like this, he had to play it cool, "I fail to see why you would need to speak to me regarding this."

Tsunade chuckled as she swiveled her coffee cup about, raising her free hand to call over a waiter for a refill, "From my investigations, it appears that Naruto puts most of his trust in his fellow club-members, which is why I need you."

"Please elaborate." Shino countered, all too sure that there was more to the deal than he already knew."

Tsunade leaned back in her seat nonchalantly, "The boy seems to be afraid of me for some reason.." ('I can't imagine why', Shino thought privately), "So I need the assistance of your club to guide him to the right place so that I can offer him a part-time job that he shouldn't be able to refuse."

Shino quirked an eyebrow, "Shouldn't be able to refuse? What makes you believe that?"

Tsunade chuckled, "I happened to have found out about his fondness for Ramen and...other certain luxuries. He's most likely dissatisfied with his current allowance." The woman leaned forward and gave a mischievous smile that may have put the Grinch to shame as she held her hand out, "Help me recruit him into my hostess-bar and I'll make sure that your club will never be low on funds."

Shino wasn't at all sure that Tsunade's proposal would bring his club any profits...but on the other hand, there was no way that it would cause the club to lose money. As such, after a few moments of careful thought, Shino reached out and gripped Tsunade's hand, murmuring with a hidden smirk, "Very well."

* * *

**(A/N) **Terribly sorry for the delay, reality can be such a bitch when it couples up with...anything to give you a hard time. I'll do my best to make the next update come a little sooner...

That said, review or feel my **WRATH!** I'm eagerly hoping for constructive criticism but at this time, I'm hoping for reviews of any kind!


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